Dr. Drumology

Conditions We (Pretend To) Treat

A partial index of maladies, and the beats the Doctor reaches for.

Sluggishness, coffee dependence, an urge to stare at the wall.

Rx: Four-on-the-floor, 120 BPM, before breakfast.

Unread count with three or more digits. Visible eye twitch.

Rx: Blast beats at 190 BPM for 30 sec. Repeat as needed.

Seen most often at weddings. Can spread to the people nearby.

Rx: 20 min of clapping on 2 & 4, supervised.

Sad playlists. Taking long drives for no reason.

Rx: A slow 6/8 ballad on brushes, nightly.

Your camera is off and your soul is too.

Rx: Silent paradiddles on your thighs, under the desk.

A general sense of “what’s it all for.”

Rx: Anything in 7/8. It won’t fix it, but you’ll be too busy counting to notice.

Pick your symptom and the Doctor will write you a prescription.

Made up by the Doctor. Every one of them.

“I had a bad case of the Tuesdays. One shuffle groove and I was all better.”— a guy, probably

“My doctor said cut back on salt. Dr. Drumology said add more cowbell. Guess which one I listened to.”— a made-up patient

“Side effects included tapping the steering wheel and a brand-new respect for bass players.”— nobody you know

No tuition, no exams, no accreditation of any kind. Fill in your details and graduate right here.

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Right-click (or long-press) the certificate and choose “Save image” to keep it. It’s print-ready at letter size, landscape.

Wearable remedies. Side effects may include strangers asking “wait, are you a doctor?”

Concept preview

Rx: Wear backwards for emergency fills.

Mockup

Rx: Wear 1 daily. Wash on cold.

Mockup

Rx: For use at gigs, family dinners and jury duty.